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I came to the realization early this morning that I had better take back my life and get in control of who I am.  You see, Christmas is almost upon us and I am not having any fun with it at all.  I am not really as bad as the grinch, per say, because I love the idea of Christmas, but I do not love all of the commercialism that has been built around Christmas.  I think it is mostly because I wish that I could just purchase Christmas for everyone and make it all the best Christmas ever!  And I don't mean just my own family, but so many others that I know that are struggling to make their families have a great Christmas too.  I know that the real meaning of Christmas goes much beyond this, it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, however that doesn't make it easier to watch others struggle and not be happy at this time of year.

I had decided that this year I would focus on making the whole month of December a project of service.  And for the most part, I have been super busy at helping others, with no shortage of things that need to be done.  But it still hasn't made me love Christmas any more! 

So when I woke up this morning, feeling depressed about it all, as was usual for the past several weeks, I had to give my head a shake and tell myself that I have got to take back my life!  I am in control and even though I feel miserable, I don't have to share it with everyone else.

I love Gretchen Rubin's book called The Happiness Project.  She is kind of my inspiration lately for being happy.  If you have never read her books, this one is a great place to start.  I was reading her book last night, and again this morning, and decided that even though I don't love Christmas, and even though I don't have money to do what I want to do "again", this Christmas, I am going to make it the best that I can with what I have.

Thus, I am starting fresh.  From this day forward, I am going to head to my own happy place every time I feel like I am getting a bit down, (which happens often lately), and remember that feeling of peace that I always had while I was walking the creek with my Grandpa.  I want to have that feeling of complete peace and contentment in my life everyday.  It is going to take some serious work, on my part, and I can't expect anyone else to help me, after all it is my project, not theirs.  I am going to walk the creek everyday, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Today I just finished putting my 2 year old grandson to bed for his nap.  He thinks he doesn't need a nap anymore, and keeps telling me "but dama", so as he was crying, I was hugging him tight and feeling that his total love and hugging me tight, were pretty darn close to the walk in the creek.  How much closer to Heaven can we get, than a commune with nature, or the hug of a child?  Works for me, I will take it!

I also started my two weeks off from work for the Christmas break, today.  Now lets see what I can do in my home, to turn things around and make it a great Christmas for everyone, even if I feel like a bah humbug!  

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